Dittie Confessions
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Totally true, laugh-out-loud stories that'll make you squirm. Submitted by girls and women just like yourself—so don't even try to act like something just as funny hasn't happened to you!


Instant Wax Job

The first time I ever got my period, I didn't want anyone to know. I rummaged through my mom's stuff until I found a box of pads, then snuck into the bathroom to experiment. I peeled the paper off the back of the pad and placed it in my panties, thinking "that was easy!" For the next few hours, I walked around feeling very uncomfortable. Every time I moved, the pad pulled my pubic hairs! Finally, I went in the bathroom to investigate. When I pulled down my undies, the pad didn't budge. It was stuck like glue to my crotch - sticky side up! Needless to say, removing it was the closest I ever came to a Brazilian wax job. And that's how I learned how NOT to use pads!

- Pauline, age 24, North Hollywood, CA

Bad Dog!

I was spending a summer weekend in Martha's Vineyard with my college roomate Marie, her family, and their little black Daschund, Hopper, when I got my period. Marie warned me not to flush my tampons down the toilet since the plumbing wasn't great, so I had to wrap them up in toilet paper and leave them in the wastebasket. The next morning, while having breakfast with the whole family Hopper came bolting through the room with a little "treat" in his mouth - one of my discarded tampons - which he delivered right to my feet. Thanks, Hopper!

- Lane, age 19, Calabasas, CA

That's Not a Pen!

I was at a very important job interview trying to put on my most professional game face. As my potential new boss started to ramble off statistics about the company, I grabbed a notepad out of my purse. When I went back in to grab a pen, I pulled something else out - a half-wrapped tampon. The boss stopped mid-sentence, stared at my unusual writing utensil, then carried on like nothing had happened. Believe it or not, I got the job.

- Maria, age 28, San Francisco, CA

Shark Attack!

My boyfriend's family invited me over to join them in a celebration for his younger sisters first communion. It was a really big deal and all the relatives were invited, including his grandparents. They had a beautiful pool party and we were having a great time. My boyfriend asked me to go for a swim with him, his cousins and even his little sister. I didn't know it but my tampon string was hanging out of my bathing suit, which was embarassing enough on its own. But, no. My boyfriend saw it, thought it was a stray thread, and before I could do anything he yanked it out!  Woosh! Right into the pool. His little cousin started screaming "Shark Attack!" and everyone came over to see what happened.

- Maria, age 17, Orinda, CA